Maggie de Vera Blogs: REFLECTIONS…

Partners of addicts

Posted in ROYAL,Reflections,Uncategorized by Administrator on the April 25th, 2013

As I was reviewing my Facebook stream this morning, I saw a posting. I felt compelled to respond (although I’m not one that usually engages in debates via facebook comments. I wanted to share it and will write more on it later. (I’m about to get ready to go into the office soon).

Center for Healthy Sex
24 minutes ago
“Many partners of addicts have told me they feel bad about themselves for staying in the relationship because of the betrayal they’ve experienced. They imagine that the people who know their past judge them to be stupid for staying with the person who’s caused them so much pain. I often counter this thinking, explaining that leaving may seem quick and easy because they can pretend they’re okay and the problem has disappeared. However, if you leave your relationship, you’ll be stuck with your pain and sorrow without the person you loved to help you sort it out. Why is this true? Because even though it feels as if your pain comes from your partner, it’s actually coming from inside you.”
― Alexandra Katehakis, Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction
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My Response:
Maggie de Vera- Although I don’t agree with others judging others, I also respectfully don’t agree with the counter thinking mentioned above. Although each situation can be different from situation to situation, sometimes when one stays with an addict, they are drained and depleted of their own energy; spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially. Sometimes, they themselves become addicted to their addict partners and enable the addict. Most of the time addicts have to hit rock bottom and lose what’s important before they seek help and make vital changes. I believe that partners of addicts allow their love to be expressed energetically and in words yet also set firm boundaries and remove themselves from the toxic environment if it has proven destructive to themselves and their life. Respectfully submitted.

My high today

Posted in ROYAL,Reflections,Uncategorized by Administrator on the February 13th, 2013

My high today:
I was dreading a long day at work today- starting off very early and training my new executive assistant with just mere fractions of numerous projects she’ll have to learn, understand, carry thru. Followed by back to back therapy clients with no breaks. Then ending a long work day with a long work-night to work with our Juvenile Probation boys at our Evening Reporting Center (because of being short-staffed, I decided to cover every Tuesday by myself until I hire someone- instead of cancelling tuesdays all together). As ROYAL’s CEO, I dont get to spend as much time with our kids at all so this is a rarity.
After a long day with no real breaks, I began my evening hearing negative reports/updates of the boys since last week. I was annoyed. I pulled the boys into my office, read them the riot act, told them I had no patience to deal with any excuses, negativity, or having to redirect them. I only wanted to see the utmost respectful, gentlemanly behaviors. This group of boys have been extra challenging to my staff of which i usually have 2 staff working together. Tonight it was just me.
We took a drive thru SF, dropped off my assistant- the whole time talking about their lives, their crew/friends, their fears, their need to “fake it” thru life as a thug even though they don’t always want to live that way. One of the boys said, “Maggie, every one thinks we’re thugs. We’re not. We just pretend to be.” This statement came from a young man who has been arrested and rearrested over and over again. Another one said, “sometimes i just want to get out- but if i do- i won’t have protection- and i know i’ll die”. I told him that many of our kids have stayed in their negative lifestyles for that very reason- and have died because of NOT getting out.
These boys are so lost. Their view of the future is so limited. So much of their acting out is from witnessing the worst of the worst, being traumatized at such early ages and having no sense of hope for the future- among many other factors.
I was telling them a story of how I overcame much of my own adversities and traumas and created a good life for myself now. One of them so innocently said, “Maggie, do you mean that we can make a life that can be paradise?” lol. I told him that we all have the power to achieve many things and how we perceive it is what determines whether it’s paradise or not. I also told them that we also definitely have the power to make our life hell…
At the end of night, one of the boys (who’s considered to be the biggest challenge towards staff) said, “Man Maggie, I don’t want to go home. I want to talk all night. I never talked like this before. Thank you and the program for caring about us and not judging us. I feel like I can do better when we talk like this”. He hugged me tightly when he left- so humbled and so vulnerable… All of them.
God Bless these kids- a victim of their circumstances. May their lives be touched and may they experience Miracles, life’s beauty and Blessings. May we continue our mission.
Thank you Lord. I am humbled yet again…